Monday, 17 March 2014

Ball of Energy

What if you danced with a ball of energy?

What if you have a ball of energy that just hovers in the middle of the dance floor? What would it do if you approached it? Maybe it would stay in it's round and contained shape, or maybe it would expand like smoke. What if you could form it into whatever shape or consistency you want it to be?

If you could change this ball of energy with your imagination, what would you do with it? What could you create? I'll tell you what I would create... I would create cities, and people... mountains and rivers. I would spread the ball of energy as big as the room that I am in and soak it all up, and then I would collect it all back in a little ball the way I first found it. I would feel the weight of it with my hands and my feet, and then make it as light as a feather so I can blow it with my breath... just like a balloon. I would watch it float to the top of the ceiling and see it explode into little pieces like shards of glass. What would I do with that glass? I would collect it all off the floor and put it into a pile and watch it shimmer... then I would dance like the reflection it's showing me and turn it into sand. I would spread that sand across the floor and understand what it feels like with my feet... then I would turn it into the ocean. I would gather the water with one great breath and throw it up into the air and let it rain down on me. Feeling refreshed, I would watch it rise and take the shape of a human who I can dance with. I would watch it disappear like a ghost, and then I'd search for it. When I find it, I'd capture it and put it in a box to keep it safe, and when it is too dark to see I will let it out as a giant ball of light to follow. Where would the light take me? Maybe if I swallowed it, I would glow and I can be the light. I bet you it would feel warm inside like I swallowed the sun. Then I would blow it out slowly like smoke and watch it take whatever form it wants to be. Then I would just be content enough to stand in silence understanding it.

What if we all danced like that? It's just like creating a movie inside your head and portraying it through movement. Just like make believe when you were a child, playing with your imaginary friend and creating your own little world to live in. What a great way to escape from reality and be in a storybook for a few minutes... or for as long as you want to stay in it. Create a fairytale. It doesn't have to "be there" to be considered real, you don't have to be able to touch it or have other people see it to believe it's there. Live in your own imagination while you create. That's why it's called art. Art is the belief that the imaginary is real... art makes your fantasies come to life... art is your inner child. Don't be afraid to imagine because the best kind of creativity is the kind that doesn't make sense in the real world. Who wants to create more of a reality? I sure don't! Create something absurd and crazy because it's a lot more fun than creating something that makes sense to everyone. Live in your storybook for a while and see where it takes you. Maybe it'll become your best work of art... and even if it doesn't, at least it was an exciting journey!

Start your story with a ball of energy with no form, colour, oder, consistency, temperature, weight, or meaning. Then see where it takes you. You can try it laying down with your eyes close first, and then you can dance with it and see if it takes you somewhere magical. Enjoy the journey :)

Thursday, 20 February 2014

The Road with the Brick Wall in the Middle and the Ice Cream at the Finish Line

Back in December a few weeks before Christmas, I felt like it was a slow and steady climb down a hill. Well... at first it was slow and steady, and then it turned into a tumble, and then a fall. Every time I went to class I found a reason to be disappointed in myself and at first it felt like it was okay because I need to be hard on myself to push myself... but then it turned into this self abuse. I can distinctly remember asking myself "why aren't you improving even just a little bit? Why am I not getting it? Why am I not applying? Why can't I do this? I don't want to dance this way anymore. Why can't I fix it?"

Now it's time to start another week, and I have 2 classes to make up, so it'll be a busy week. Great. So I go to class, and in every class I work my butt off trying to find something to like about myself... but I continued to beat myself up. Everyday, every class it was this constant struggle and I was so exhausted from it. I said to myself "you know what? Don't even take your last class for this week. You're tired, your fed up, nothing worked, just give up and stay home." But then I stopped and said "Oksana, that's not like you. You're stubborn. Just go, it's only one more class." So I went into that class just like all the others... negative. The only thing that was different was that I was tired and didn't even care anymore. I was just there. When we were about to do groups I told myself to just pick my head up, it's almost over and I just have to hang on 10 more minutes, then I can go home and just rest after this horrible week.

When it was my group's turn, I took a deep breath and just did it. When I was done I felt something I never felt before, and it felt so amazing. I don't even know what I did, it was just different! And then my teacher Moe says "Oksana... now that is dancing." And I cannot even explain the relief that I felt in that moment to know that I worked so hard that whole week thinking that I did it all for nothing... but in the end, it did pay off. And to think that I almost didn't even take the class...

Now... after Christmas break was over I was so excited to get back to dancing! I finally reached the point where I was so happy that I would wake up tomorrow knowing that I will be taking class again, and whatever I didn't do yesterday I will try again today. I started to not care if I "got it" or not and you know why? Because yesterday is not my last day dancing. I realized that I am at Harbour everyday. I have everyday of the week to reach that one goal, I have 7 days to try again... even more than that! I have 13 classes in a week, I have 13 "second chances" in 7 days. There are not many people in this world who are allowed to make that many mistakes at their job. Artists are lucky because their job IS making mistakes. Just like Kelly Konno said... "learn to love the process." because the process IS your job.

I've hit the point where I go home at the end of each day and all I think about is how much I enjoy what I'm doing and that I can't wait to do it all again tomorrow. Now, I am okay if I "don't get" the combo anymore because it's only one day and only one combo and I have many chances to redeem myself. When I screw up or just know that I'm not getting it, I just laugh and say "oh man... this just needs to be a lot better next time." and then I just leave it be. If you don't have any bad days then you won't notice any improvements. You need to fall in order to get back up and each time you fall you will get up stronger and faster the next time. I have no doubt that I will fall and hit that brick wall I can't get through again and beat myself up about it, but that is all part of the process. I am okay with knowing that on the other side if that brick wall is an epiphany and big bowl of ice cream! Now that I know that on the other side of the wall there is something worth while, I would go through that same process any day. I just needed to do it once to realize that its something that I needs to happen and to just push through it until the wall crumbles, because honestly, I am the type of person who loves challenges. You tell me I can't do something and the challenge is on... my back hurts and I say to myself "GET UP! DO IT!" Because I'm stubborn and that's why I love dance because its an art that keeps on growing and it will always keep me busy with something new. I'm really starting to love the struggle because the result is so much greater when you know that it took all the strength you had to reach that goal. It is so worth it in the end. SO WORTH IT!


Okay so... I did have a blog before, but I had a different google account and then I forgot the password because it's been 3 years since I've posted on it... 3 years! That's horrible! Anyways... so I've decided that it is really time I started blogging again since there are so many thoughts in this little head of mine, and so many things going on in my life that are worth recording. I will start with my first post tomorrow morning! Can't wait :)